Accused of Being a Gold Digger When She’s Not

Q: Hey, Chris. I am a smart, successful 37-year-old woman who is dating an older wealthy man. He’s 49 and his friend recently made the comment, “Yeah, ‘Mark’ has dated gold diggers for as long as I can remember.”  To say I wasn’t shocked and hurt is an understatement.  He laughed it off as a joke, but to place me in same category of an actual gold digger is just ridiculous.  I make $165K a year and have been self-sufficient for as long as I can remember.  I am with my boyfriend because of who he is, not because how much he’s worth.  We truly love and respect each other; we have fun together, enjoy stimulating conversation and have a great sex life.  I adore him, plain and simple.  We’re best friends, too.  Is his friend just jealous and should I tell him how hurt I am by his gold digger comment?

~ Leslie in Naples, FL

Hi, Leslie:

I feel your hurt – I really do. ‘Mark’s’ friend isn’t much of friend to make such a belittling comment, no matter how much he passed off as a joke.

What’s interesting is this doesn’t surprise me. Yes, you have a very good income at $165,000.00 per year. But wouldn’t matter if you made $18,500.00 or had a million dollar salary. He still would have made that inappropriate remark.

It could be from his own insecurity (particularly if he isn’t a millionaire himself), or maybe because he is jealous of his buddy’s relationship with you – who knows!

But I do know, working with millionaire bachelors myself for 15-years, that my clients are oftentimes “damned if they do, and damned if they don’t.”

What do I mean?  Because those in my millionaires’ personal and professional circle assume any woman they date or marry is only in it for the money.

Part of this thought process, I believe, is just plain ignorance. But most of these insiders actually mean well, fearing for their “boss, or father, or brother, or best friend” – you know, that some woman is going to take him for a ride.

But whom are these men going to date? Don’t they deserve to find and discover true love like everyone else? Wealthy men have hearts and deserve a good woman, too.

I recently tweeted a quote from Oprah. She once said, “Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”

We need to give millionaires some credit. Let them figure out if a woman loves him for the right reasons – and if that special woman will take the bus with him (when his own Mercedes breaks down.)

Or they can hire someone like myself and use my expertise vetting out the real women from the gold diggers. I educate men to recognize all the red flags – but eventually they do on their own anyway.

Meanwhile, Leslie, ignore his friend’s inappropriate wisecrack for now – but if he ever accuses you of being a “gold digger” again (jokingly or not), then stand your ground.

All that’s important right now is you and ‘Mark’ continue being happy, love and respect each other– you owe nothing to anyone else.

I wish you lots of continued success – you are both on the road to a loving and lasting relationship!

Warmly,

Chris

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